I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
