i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
