Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
