why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
time to smoke my breakfast
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
