Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
