I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
