that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
