I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
