he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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