Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
