A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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