I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
