I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
