I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
porn star boner night. come get it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
