Ambien. No doubt about it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Couch. On fire.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
