Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
