Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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