mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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