The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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