So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
