I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
