Already got asked if we're dating
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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