You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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