Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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