The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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