We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
