I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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