wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
