I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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