wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
