I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
