So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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