$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
