Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
that may or may not have been my penis.
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