I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
