Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
