Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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