I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
