garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
