I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
