That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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