Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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