explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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