Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
