Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
