Don't you send me to vm
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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