so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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