Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
