soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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