I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize