Sry I called you an 8
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
