Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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