is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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