i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
