That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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