I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
