What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
