i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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