His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
