it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
