trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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