Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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