my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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