I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
