I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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