Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
