I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
