This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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