just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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