he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
