Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
