oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
